“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”
— Jim Rohn
The first of many (hopefully)

The first of many (hopefully)

It's been a LONG time since my last post. So many thing have happened since then, starting my new job, letting go of a relationship, building back bridges that were burned, and rolling around. I've learned more about myself in the past year than I have my entire life, and although things don't look too bright right now, I'm just feeling blessed to have such supportive friends and family that I can fall back on. Thank you to everyone (you know who you are, and if you don't...well then...) helping me through this rough patch. Thank you to everyone who has been bugging me to hang, stay out late, or just talk. I love going out but I also love recharging myself at home alone, so don't take offense if I decline once and awhile.

BTW - one of the first projects I worked on at Bandai Namco was to rebuild a website with my team, check it out! (Can't vouch for the game but I think the site is pretty)

www.battlelinegame.com

I've also hired an online coach for my nutrition and workouts! I've been gaining muscle like crazy (and some fat) but I'm really excited to see my progress in a few months. I'll post before and after pictures (or one of those fast photo time lapses) when I'm feeling confident enough to post them. There are so many things I want to do now that I can focus on myself, like going to the gym more (I average maybe 2 1/2 - 3 hours a day, 6 days a week), playing more video games, learning new tech, spending more time with friends and family, but most importantly loving myself.

I feel like I've spent the last few months trying to change the core of myself and that made me extremely unhappy. I am loving, caring, and affectionate. Being less of any of those things really tears me up inside, so I've decided to just be me. This might very well be the most important thing I've learned about myself in the past year.  

The people who are closest to me know that if you're in my inner circle, you're going to get long, deep hugs. You're going to get treated out to dinner or gifts that I'll never expect you to pay back. I'll pick your drunk ass up from two hours away to make sure you're safe at home. I do this because I love all of you from the deepest parts of my heart and soul. It's not me just "being nice". This is the core of how I am, and being anything less actually makes me feel disconnected to my friends and family.

I won't bore you with the small that I've been doing, but I want to leave you with this -

Be yourself. There's very little in this world that should make you change the very core of who you are. Love yourself and all your quirks and edges. Don't be afraid to feel pain. Don't be afraid to love and lose love. Spend time with the people that matter the most to to you. If you're worried that you've lost "the one", just remember that they're gone for a reason. Embrace all the good and bad times that you've had. I know the feeling of sharing everything you had with someone, only to lose that person and have everything remind you of them. I know that feeling all too well, but a friend told me that although you've shared those experiences, they're also your own. They didn't take those moments with them when you/they left. They're yours, own them! You're not going to find the exact same person again. You'll never find another (insert pet name for significant other), and that's okay. Don't say you didn't love them, because chances are you really did, and they really loved you. Each time you love it'll be a different love, and that's okay. You'll find someone who can love you the way you need/want to be loved, and they'll accept the type of love you can give. 

Thanks for coming by, hopefully I can keep up blogging everyday and keep ya'll close to my heart.

 

ps - battle net id is kcvan#1139, ADD ME! Thinking about getting a new computer so I can play games on something decent and stream too!

Also, going to try and add a song that I'm really feeling, so here's today's! (Thanks Jimmy)  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rTlqY9i7Gn4                                                                                                                          

 

 

Walking through memories

Walking through memories

The breeze of a new day

The breeze of a new day