“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”
— Jim Rohn
Far in the future

Far in the future

So I've realized that it's actually pretty difficult to keep a blog updated everyday :p. I don't really want to post about the random parts of my day because that's not very interesting, and thinking up deep topics to talk about is also emotionally draining. BUT I WILL TRY. Maybe once a week would be better but I'll see how it goes.

I'll start with a "What I did today". 

HOLY CRAP ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS IS BACK FROM KOREA AFTER TWO YEARS. I haven't seen this guy in so long. Ya'll know that friend that you don't talk to for years and when you finally meet up you start where you left off? Yeah this is exactly that kind of relationship, except better. This guy is hands down the funniest, wittiest and most loyal friend I've ever known and I'm so proud to call him one of my best friends. Got to catch up over gym, lunch and boba. It's amazing how well we compliment each other, and if I had to pick a male companion for the rest of my life this guy would be it. Not only do we have the same humor, but the deep talks we have always impact me to the core. Something we touched base on today was why we're going to the gym and why we're (at least for me) putting ourselves through a body builder regimen and diet.

For him, I think a lot of it was definitely for himself. He's always been on the bigger side but after finding an online coach in Korea he not only leaned out, but gained a huge amount of muscle. I'm seriously so proud of him for being able to change his lifestyle to a healthier one and becoming as strong as an ox doing it. My reasons for going through this are much different than his though.

So let's talk about the world of online dating.

But let me be straight though, I'm not looking for anything right now. I'm really investing this time being single to improve myself physically and emotionally. I don't want to rebound into a relationship because it's lonely being...alone. I'm the type of person who can spend 24/7 with my significant other and not get tired of them. I'll be extroverted for a few days a week and hang out with friends but then I need to recharge, whether alone or with my SO (I feel like I'm recharging either way). Even though the urge is pretty strong I know it's just a yearning for intimate interaction, and it's not fair for the other person that I'm still emotionally invested in someone else. I know that focusing on myself is the best choice of action, bettering myself to the best possible version of me.

Back to online dating...let's be real, this world is so fucking shallow. You get a few lines for small talk about yourself and if the other person doesn't think you're attractive then you're skipped. Why am I (probably) going to resort to online dating in the future? For the exact same reasons why I can't hang out with friends for too long. For some reason I just start getting tired of being around a bunch of people and I need to recharge (no offense to any of my friends, I love you all!). So online dating seems like the best bet besides random meetups. 

The media has a huge impact on what people consider "good looking" or "handsome". I consider myself pretty casual looking, so if they don't like my "about me" or my face, there's really only one option after that. How my body looks. Is this a shallow way to look at things? Of course, but that's a huge part of online dating. You get a few seconds where the other person assesses if you're worth their time, so they swipe through a few pictures and maybe not even read your bio if you're not their type.

So why am I striving for a better body? Part of it is because many people prefer someone who takes care of their body vs someone who is overweight. My blood tests and blood pressure say I'm completely healthy but I don't think I look it. I got some rolls but I'm lifting pretty damn heavy for my height/weight/body fat. But no one sees that. A lot of people say they just want their SO to be healthy but they don't see that when they see someone who looks overweight. It's a cutthroat game, and don't be mistaken, it IS a game. A shallow. harsh game where no one gets to see the real you unless you're aesthetically pleasing. 

That's only part of the reason why I'm striving for a better body. The other reason is because of my insecurities. I've had someone say that they're attracted to my face, not my body. Which is a backhanded compliment in my opinion. I want the person I love to be attracted to all of me. I want them to want all of me, so a big part of why I work out and diet is for my future SO. I know some people will say that they're attracted to the normal body type, but I'd rather have a body that is attractive to the masses than aim for the minority. I'd rather get the chance to show someone the real me than be skipped. I want to have the whole package.

I'm just going to go ahead and say it, but looks do matter. How much? That's completely preference. I wouldn't say it's shallow to want your SO to be cute or pretty or handsome or whatever. It's only shallow if you're dating them only because of their looks. You can throw your opinions on that down in the comments, but I want to be attractive. I want to be aesthetically appealing. I want my SO to be proud of not only my personality, but to also be proud of the time, commitment and discipline I invested and went through to look like this for myself and them.

Are there women that look straight at the bio and take a chance on someone who isn't ideal looking? Of course there are. But I'm sure being good looking and having a great personality doesn't hurt at all.

People always ask me why I'm putting myself through this training. I'll be honest and say that it's much more emotionally draining than physically. I have to put 100% faith and trust in my trainer while I'm going through hypertrophy. I can see the weights getting heavier and heavier but all I see fat on top of my muscle, which is very demoralizing. Also the sheer amount of food that I have to eat doesn't help either. I could dirty bulk (eating shitty foods to fit your macros) but I don't want to backtrack. So I eat clean foods like chicken breast. Pounds and pounds of chicken breast a day and it makes me miserable. I literally start eating at 10am at work and don't stop until 4pm. The hardest part is also knowing that I won't be going into a caloric deficit for another 4-5 weeks. I put myself through this because I want to look good. I want to be able to say that I have the discipline and mental fortitude to reach the goals I set for myself.

So that's be in a nutshell for online dating, what's your take on it?

Song of the day: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=giqXicuZuRw



Walking through memories

Walking through memories